3 Boys and a Mom - Diary of a Tagteam

Well I spent 2 hrs in dentist chair being drilled and molded and glued.... I now have my temporary bridge in.... after 4 shots of novacaine at around 5pm I finally started to NOT feel so numb and talking like I had bells palsy... Now the soreness is setting in - Thank god for advil and if it gets really bad I still have some vicodin around here... I sure hope the crowns aren't as bad to get....

I started progess on the house and of course since it's raining I was set back 4 steps by the boys... Oh well what can you do??? I will try again tomorrow.. hopefully I can throw them out in the yard for a bit... Well it's time to retreive my prunes from the tub and get them settled in bed so I can work some more on laundry, the counter and the dishes... maybe I can make SOME progress while they are sleeping and keep up on it tomorrow... Til next time...

Well STILL no call from NM but figure it might be another week.. gotta remember it's gov't and they aren't the fastest people in the world... It was an inbetween calling me... so the list of qualifieds still has to go to the selecting official and then s/he needs to look things over and then make calls for interviews.... But PLEASE keep those thoughts and prayers coming... I really really would like to have a good shot at this job... the more I think about it the more I am really really game for it!!!!

I got my puter/desk all moved and settled... there is some cleaning to do w/the new area but I am happy!! It's great to be w/my old boss again - he and I got along great!!! Now to get my phone moved to my desk - I guess in the mean time I will forward my calls to the one on the desk...

Well it's off to bed... I have HUGE list of chores to get to tomorrow AND the dentist for a crown and bridge appt.... *sigh* I feel sooo old!!! Well til next time...

My life is in total disarray... and I don't even know where to start... I have been doing laundry, cleaning carpets and dishes and such for almost 3 days now and the house STILL looks like cluttered, disorganized, dirty crap!!! TOMORROW we make LISTS!! And pull out that damn timer again..

The THIS BOARD/THAT BOARD wars have really drained me too... I really just want everyone to be happy and get along peacefully but I guess it will take some more time.... I am gonna just keep trudging along and hope that we can all find a way to bond back together again....

The more I think about my life w/E the more I DON"T see our marriage lasting much longer... SURE we have been nice to each other and haven't really fought but he's made a few comments here and there that cut to the core even though I FINALLY begun to NOT react to... We have a guest - Uncle Toby - well Toby is an old old friend back from HS days... we love him dearly and he's the boys godfather... Toby has been suffering severe depression the past 3.5 yrs or so to the point he NEVER leaves his house let alone his room and spends almost all his time on the computer playing some fantasy role playing game or playstation... Well we got him out of the house and he's been here now a week - it's a start - and he's not on puter cause we can't seem to find a decent AOL connection speed for him to play his game.. BUT *I* have to walk on eggshells according to Mr E so as not to upset Toby - ok I understand that I really can as I see the benefit of Toby being somewhere other then his room at home alone... BUT does E have to spend ALL his time w/Toby?? He goes right in there and ignores the boys - leaves ME to bath them and get them ready for bed and such - the whole time they just want DADDY for one reason or another... not that E is a HUGE help anyway but he did a BIT more before last week...

Now there is the talk of the possible move... gee how do I break it to him that I plan on going ALONE w/boys??? I'll sell this shitbox for minimum of 18K and give him 6K to buy him off... pay off the yota - we are down to $880 YEAH!! That's less then 6 mo of payments!! And use another $3K to fix the KIA FINALLY - give E the yota or sell it and I am out of here!!!

After all my research about bipolar I am going to journal Dev's days/cycles for the next week and go armed to see shrink next Friday - had to reschedule Dev's psychologist appt today as I was running MAJORLY late again... story of my life... *sigh* Well I'll grab him on phone tomorrow or Monday and we can chat about Deven that way I guess.. I usually do all the talking anyway..

Oh but on an up note I think Dil and I are on the way to weaning - he went to bed 2 nights in a row w/o nursing and now tonight... and last night he got up from bed and went in with E and never even bothered me and I had been layign right next to him... he tells me I wasn't there... ooook... BUT I guess it's time we both moved on... I am a bit sad to see it end but in a way glad we have a new freedom from each other...

Well much like my life I have rambled on and all directions here tonight but I do feel better... Til next time...

Swiped from Steph's blog!


The Goddess Nature: The original mother-goddess,
represented by the color green and the element
earth. Nature is all about love, kindness, and
baking. She is all things domestic. Often has
to be the peacemaker in any dispute between her
Sisters.


Which Goddess Owns You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Ok I just HAVE to brag about my Daddy - he recieved a prestigous award from the Military Intelligence Corp - the KNOWLTON AWARD - learn more here http://www.micorps.org/knowlton/ - while he's working for US Govt over in Korea - he sent me a gorgeous pic of him at the ball... Doesn't he look good??? Soo handsome.. Ok so the smile is cheesey but he's really happy w/her...

http://photos.yahoo.com/bc/devndilsmom/lst?.dir=/Daddy <---------- Find the pic here!

Oh and my comments box is acting funny and showing an incorrect number... very very odd but par the course for my life these days!!! Til later...

PS. If you hadn't noticed - I am maintaining my posts in both blogs since Crimson gives me fits now and again - minor ones but irratating!!

*sigh* There is no peace is there??? Why can't we all just drop the mudslinging??? There is NO reason everyone can't live together peacefully is there??? And is it absolutely necessary to actually call people out?? Can't there just be some generalizations??? It's not the actual person but the overall situation that has my undies in a bunch and hey since when can't someone just vent to get the feelings out??? This IS my space to release my thoughts afterall.... *sigh*

Well it's off to work on laundry and rugs AGAIN - Dev is home sick - he is working on an ear infection I think - congested, warm and threw up this morning that's usually the first sign before the raging fever that his ears are acting up... Til next time..

Ok MAJOR PMS alert - warning to all that enter in advance - it's NOT gonna be pretty!!

I have had it up to HERE w/the new vs. old board crap that I am seeing on the internet message board I post on... Bitching that they don't like the new format yet when I post asking for input to make things more comfortable I get NOOOOO responses - well then you mustn't be THAT unhappy huh??? Or just don't give a shit?? Then stop whining!! And those complaining about the slowness - sorry but I just don't see it.. I have dial up too and I don't see the MAJOR slow down that is complained about... perhaps you need to clean out your cache and temp internet files??? And you complain about it being hard to post/respond/read - use the OUTLINE VIEW - looks alot like the old format and makes it easier to respond/read the board.... And it was posted to run a Mother's Day Exchange - something HIGHLY popular in the past - even offered to have it be either material or cyber gifts - BOTH sides were informed and there has been almost NOOOOO response to it... how is that for supporting friendships and common bonds???

Now I have been accused of taking the NEW place as a personal insult and thus not posting there (YES I DO lurk there - I DO miss my FRIENDS and just wanna keep tabs on how they are doing, ESP since they aren't sharing thigns with the old board as much anymore) - accused of being loyal to a place and a puppet of the owners - actually it's not the PLACE I am loyal to - it IS the people BUT hell YES I take the creation of the board as an insult!! Not that it WAS created but HOW it was created... I think my co-leader and I have done our best to keep the family happy and running smoothly - we always had their best interests at heart... yet just because we weren't available IMMEDIATELY when the changes occurred we weren't consulted about a new board?? Some just COULDN"T have waited a few hours for me to be around to discuss it before they just HAD to start new board.... I mean there was NOOOOOO giving PP a chance - it was an IMMEDIATE exodus... and it's not like my co-leader or I spend days OFFLINE - hell seems like one of us is online almost ALL the time... JMHO but a truely CLOSE KNIT group of women would have come to the leaders FIRST and discussed it and asked us if we wanted to do it... hell that being done I think I would have hung up my hat and moved to new board.. And I don't think I would be sooo hurt if they would STOP bashing PP so much.... THAT above all else hurts... you don't like the new format fine - leave but don't keep bad mouthing it AND coming around recruiting for your place then get upset because your posts are deleted - solicitation of another place IS considered a violation of TOS - to quote

"Item #6 on the TOS - content of messages - "You agree that you will not use TWN for chain letters, junk mail, 'spamming,' solicitations (commercial or non-commercial) or bulk communications of any kind including but not limited to distribution lists to any person who has not given specific permission to be included in such a list." Posting links to a message board off iVillage is defined as solicitation."

And ANYONE can report a violation - not just the CL and to be honest I HAVEN"T reported any as by the time I see them or know of a particular message it's been pulled already... Besides I am not there to police the board but help bond it together...

And the negative posts about the old place aren't helping EITHER side to hold on to the friendships and bond.... Some feel there is misinformation about the new place floating around??? Sorry but all I have seen about/for EITHER side has been pretty one-sided... I would LOVE to join my friends at the NEW place even inspite of being one of the leaders of the old place but man I got my ass bit off by a member for stating my feelings HERE about those places and sorry but I am NOT gonna post where I don't feel welcome...

If I am sooo wrong about taking things personally as it's not meant that way why don't more people directly tell me that and why was my ass bit hard for not being able to do more then say "I am sorry you aren't happy" when emailed regarding the changes and what I posted HERE about them??? NOOO instead the communication I had w/friends I USED to chat with has become all but null... If I am sooo wrong why hasn't ANYONE bothered to tell me?? SOOO for such a close knit group why do I PERSONALLY feel like I was tossed aside like a day old dirty pair of underwear??? Because it really appears that is how it is...

I would love for the family to continue to be as bonded and close knit as it was.... But all this bickering is doing nothing but harm.... Now I hope that is this the last of it as I am tired of defending myself and my choices and I am MOST CERTAINLY tired of defending my feelings - they are mine and I am entitled to them... don't like them - don't read!!!! I have enough crap going on in my life w/o dealing w/all this crap too.... Til next time....

Monday, April 21, 2003
Ahhhhhh Monday Monday - I am soooo tired - partially from not getting enough sleep and partially from the sugar high crash...

Took Dev back to dentist today - He was due to get a perm filling on his baby root canal - a smaller cavity filled and start the other baby root canal... Well since he lost the temp filling AGAIN (ok so it w/i an hr of getting it last week) they had to clean it out, put more cotton w/the nerve killing meds and another temp... The timing couldn't have been better as he was crying his tooth hurt this morning... so they are letting that tooth calm down before they start the other one... The dentist also did the other 2 smaller cavity fillings today instead of one today and one another day... AND he did it all w/NO novacaine - what a kid!!! I would have needed a double shot for all that!!! We go back on 9th to complete the 1st root canal and start the second one...

Other than that it's a good day - AF arrived Saturday so I am crampy and uncomfortable and such but nothing overly painful.... It's a nice day out so the boys are having a fun time on their bikes and I am just vegging.... Til next time...

Sunday, April 20, 2003
HOPPY EASTER!!!!!!

Ok it's corney but hey I had to do it... SOO I hope you all have a happy holiday!!! I'll be cooking my ham, throwing a little egg hunt for the boys and just vegging most of the day...

I took the boys to an egg hunt yesterday on base... they break the kids up into ages... 2/3, 4/5, 6/7 etc... Then they have 2 baseball diamonds/fields and they just throw a ton of eggs down on the grass and let each group go one at a time... Dilen went first and I got to help him - he wasn't TOTALLY into picking up the eggs but we managed to fill his bucket.. then it's back outside the fence to open the eggs and see what you have... some are filled w/candy, some with a slip of paper telling you what number prize you have won - you can get pencils, tatoos, little flocked banks, coloring books, stuffed animals, etc.. there are 9 different types of prizes and then each age group has the grand prize - one of the prefilled baskets w/toys... Dilen won the grand prize WOOO HOOOOO as well as 5 or 6 littler prizes - he will have his picture in the base paper for the grand prize - a basket w/a Pooh doll in a rain coat, rubber duckies, bubbles and some candy.... Deven cleaned up on candy and about 5 smaller prizes... I got a pic of Dil w/his basket when we got home which I will post later..

Then it was off to PopPop and Golly's to have another egg hunt - This one they actually have to HUNT for the eggs... each filled their buckets AGAIN and had a blast - then Golly ordered pizza for us.... we had a BLAST!!! They took pics and when I get the I will be sure to post!!! Overall it was a VERY fun yet exhausting day as we were gone from 10:30-4:30....

Well it's off to finish stuffing eggs as I am gonna have a little hunt for the boys in the am and I will get some pics on the camera for you all!!! HOPPY EASTER to you all again!!!! Til next time...

Thursday, April 17, 2003
Ok real fast - Dev was home today - had an ok day - a few little tantrums but ok... I got a call from Albuquerque New Mexico - Army Corps of Engineers - they wanted to know if I would consider a position out there - lateral but they will pay movign expenses - E can transfer to Kirkland AFB... I think I hesitated all of 2 seconds before I said YES!!!! SOOO if they like my resume I can expect a phone interview sometime in the next week or so.... Actually VERY VERY excited so cross your fingers for me!!!!

Dev's psycholo was rescheduled til next week but I think I am gonna call shrink and talk to him about Dev and depression/bipolar and maybe changing/adding a med in....

Well it's late I and need to get to bed.... more tomorrow!!!

Wednesday, April 16, 2003

Well let's see - I managed to get the carpets done - w/80* weather they dryed in no time... E did MOST the dishes for me and cleaned off table, I started some laundry and I ran Dilen to the dentist - he did ok.. didn't want to get the last of 4 xrays but did fine otherwise w/the cleaning... back in 6 mo as we are keeping an eye on some "stains" on the back molars... Deven goes back Monday for another baby root canal and I think they start his crowns then... I go next Saturday to start my crowns... *sigh*

Deven had another bad day... The timer didn't work - teacher said it was a distraction - that he "kept touching, playing and looking at it" and that "the sound bothered many of my students" - ummm I got a digital one that beeps like a watch does when it's alarm goes off - WTF??? I can't get one much quieter - I got that one cause the twist and RING one would have bothered a particular student that I understood to be sensitive to loud noises... *sigh*

He refused to do any work today - he started yelling and screaming and kicking desk - he was removed to the principal's office where he kept up the tantrum until he fell asleep... *sigh* I just don't know what I am gonna do w/him... Tomorrow we see the psychologist.... NOTHING seems to motivate him.... I am sooo at a loss... We got his report card today... all the same checks for needs improvement and a few new ones - including forming letters/writing letters correctly - ummmm HELLO he has fine motor skill deficiencies and he's trying!!! *sigh*

E and I had it out this evening - he started acting like an asshole w/his irrational thinking and comments about Deven - maybe we need to give him more freedom, maybe he CAN"T do it - there must be a reason he says he can't go to school - yeah a$$hole - he wants YOUR attention - your UNDIVIDED attention but you can't give it... yesterday we passed the hospital on way to store and Deven commented that Daddy has been there and he is gonna need to go back again cause he drinks too much "soda"... *sigh* It breaks my heart to hear Dev say such things - he's sooo smart and perceptive it's scarey...

E won't admit it but he blames the school, blames me, makes excuses or screwed up reasons for why Deven does or doesn't do things... But when I state that I am being a bitch and talking to him like he's crap - sorry if I have trouble disguising the distain in my voice/tone when you want to have a serious convo after you have been drinking and start acting like an a$$hole w/your holier then thou, you do it all wrong attitude... Now I will admit there is SOMETHING going on at school to cause Dev to be so defiant and non-compliant but I do think they are trying to deal w/it all somewhat... I DO have my concerns that teacher has started to give up on Deven - seems all I hear are the negative things from him anymore.... well the spring break has started so let's all pray the break will give us a chance to regroup and start fresh on the 28th... starting tomorrow the stars chart WILL be adhered to DAILY!!! Dev and I will sit and decide what his choices will be for so many stars together... give him input on the motivation...

Well it's off to finish up some minor straightening and MAYBE manage to get my scanner working since it just WON"T cooperate w/me - then bed.... Til next time...

Tuesday, April 15, 2003
Well today's coffee tasted much better although still a little off.. .perhaps I have misplaced my touch since it's been a while since I made a pot at home.... who knows - but for those wondering I thought I would let ya know!! *wink*

Kelli (pssst my comments work again so you can use them! *L*) I don't know how I would handle anymore excitement in my life either!! *L* One day I am gonna sit down and it's gonna be quiet and I am gonna keel over from a heartattack! *L* I guess the truth is that denial is a powerful thing and of course our higher power only gives us what we can handle.... Now whatever cosmic lesson I am supposed to be learning??? I think I LEARNED IT!!! ENOUGH ALREADY!!!!! *L*

My day was completely wasted - I did NOTHING - NOTHING at all!! Ok so I ran to the grocery store... Atleast I think I did - not sure where the money went though as I look at the cupboards!! *L* Since by a twist of fate I am off again tonight AND tomorrow I am gonna use tonight to regroup and tomorrow get down and get serious about cleaning!! I have my list and I have my timer and I am not gonna stop til I am done!!!

Deven had another bad day in school... He just refuses to do any work in school lately, he can't seem to sit still for more then 3 min and is just becoming down right RUDE although perhaps a bit is some of my wacky, off color humor (addressing the teacher when we came to pick him up early Monday as stated he turned to teacher as he was leaving and said "SEE I TOLD YOU!!") *sigh* The entire class EXCEPT him got McD's today from the teacher for good behavior - he couldn't even manage one morning long enough to earn the privledge of a happy meal!!! *sigh* I just don't know what to do w/him... when I ask him WHY he tells me "everyone bothers me" when I ask how so I can tell Ms. Howell - the teacher - he says "they just bother me"... And he says he was held in thru recess AGAIN - this is NOT going over well w/ME!!!! Yet he KNOWS he is making bad choices and he seems to NOT want to make them... I don't know... Well we just have to get thru tomorrow and then he gets a week and half break - maybe it will be just what he needs to recharge, regroup and start fresh on the 28th!! I DID pick up the timer and will shortly write a note to the teacher and send it in w/the timer... Maybe setting it for 6 min at a time and emphasizing the "game" of beating the timer by sitting still longer then it will help some... I am also asking she send some extra work he can do next week at the preschool when he goes w/Dilen...

Life is otherwise is just dandy!! Really it is... E and I are amicable towards each other and seem to have reached a truce and are working together against the boys! And the weather is gorgeous so I have spent a little time outside in the warm sunshine!!! Time to dig out the skematics on my flowerbeds!!! Well it's off to check the board and then bed... Til next time...

Monday, April 14, 2003
Ok let's start w/my coffee tasted like CRAP this morning - highly unusual for me since I am FAR from a coffee connisaur (sp?) but I can usually make a decent pot of coffee - soooo on the advise of Eliz I ran thru some vinegar and then lots and lots and lots of water... let's hope the am pot is MUCH better!! I must have coffee to function in the am and payday is 3 days away!

I had my IEP review/revision meeting w/the school for Deven today... I wanted an aide for Deven but they of course nixed that... they said they had tried the last week or so various people sitting w/him to help out and mostly he responded w/"get away from me" as if they were invading his personal space.... Yes Deven DOES have issues w/personal space and having it invaded, I do too but ummmmmm MOST ADHD kids and the such will NOT ask for help nor will they willingly accept it as it would show others the downfalls/shortcomings that they want to hide - much like a dyslexic child who managed to get thru years of school before being discovered.... However they feel this is not the case w/Deven... When the guid. councelor was in the room he didn't want her to help him til after she had been helping other children for about 20 min... *sigh*

However they don't know what to do to motivate him and to be honest I don't EITHER!! The behavior chart w/stars isn't working well and he just seems soo defiant esp at school... ahhh yes - ODD!!! But of course - many children have more then just ADHD and I have to say that ODD (Oppositional Defiance Disorder) has been mentioned w/Deven before**

SOOOO we brainstormed on things Deven likes or we think would motivate him.... He LOVES NASCAR and lately bowling so mommy is gonna add bowling and slot car racing to the list of choices for XX number of stars each week and perhaps even a mid week bowling trip if he earns it... and we are gonna allow good school behavior to earn more then one star at home if he does well... I am gonna invest in a little beeping timer for Deven for school to help him sit for 10 min at a time to earn stickers at school - for so many he will get to pick from the treasure chest in room... and I am going to get an answering machine and put it on the extra phone line and when he has a good day he will get to use the teacher's cell phone to call and tell me all about his good day.... Ok so all of this is NOT exactly what I thought I would get out of the meeting - gee sounds a bit like *I* am spending more $$$ in the end doesn't it?? But gee they smile and talk sooo sweetie to you at the school don't they??? (Yes Eliz I know you warned me and I probably caved too easily but I can always re-evaluate things in a few weeks) And to be honest we still have another week before the first full 6 wks on the Strattera is complete...

**I have been doing some research though and I am tempted to ask the doc if perhaps seeing how we definately have some ODD there too if maybe a combo of drugs might work... like maybe throwing in a small dose of Adderall or Concerta into the works might help - gonna talk to the psychologist Thursday and feel out his thoughts on this...

Deven started his day w/complaining of a stomachache this morning from the start - he didn't want to get on bus - called me TWICE before 11:30 that his tummy hurt and he wanted to come home... we made him tuff it out til after lunch and he agreed esp after both daddy and I told him there would be no park if he came home sick... Since we had to run out we stopped by school to check on/get him after lunch... Well once AGAIN he didn't get recess due to behavior - I once again voiced my disappointment of this recourse for Deven - if he was just ADD I might agree w/it but he's adHd people - he NEEDS to burn off energy!!!! - the school guidance councelor/psychologist agreed w/me...

Once home he had a quiet time for a bit and just sorta played in his room/vegged - then of course he wanted to go outside... well we told him there would be NO park, bike, etc this afternoon due to his being "sick" - insert the tears, crying, I feel fine, etc here! *L* He had to do his homework before any decisions were made - he did 2.5 pages (2 math, one writing) and we allowed a 30 min reprieve.... He was fairly well behaved for the rest of day and out cold by 7-7:15pm - I had to wake him at 8 for his meds and he was out cold again immediately after swallowing his pill... Hummmmm maybe he really DOESN"T feel well... *sigh* Well just 2 more days to get thru and then 7 school days of spring break....

E and I had an amicable day - we even managed to work together when dealing w/Deven... he did a little yard work and we went to pick up some groceries together... it was actually a little scarey but in all honesty I only see him as the father of my children these days and not much else... but a peaceful day is nice to experience...

Well I am wiped out - it's late - the dishes are still there piling up more, the laundry isn't folded, the dog created more by puking on a blanket... *sigh* My work never ends - however it is gonna wait for tomorrow! *L* Til next time...

Sunday, April 13, 2003
Since Melanie asked a good question and I sure others are wondering too - a little about my brother....

Jason is going to be 25 this May... when Jason was a young teen he got in w/the wrong group and was lead down a path of crime and drugs and such... At one point my little brother was very strung out on crack - he was using and selling - he stole from my parents to support his habit - pawning all the electronics and even some of my dad's guns... He was wanted on federal charges for stealing/writing checks, bring pot to a house on Army property and the list goes on and on... he tried Job Corp and was kicked out for smoking pot, he was in a rehab of some sort briefly... One of his friends held my mom at gun point, pistol whipped her in the face hurting her pretty bad and my delusional brother took the "friend's" side and not my mom's... He has tons of tickets for driving while not licensed thus can't legally get a license at the moment and the list goes on and on.... BUT about 5 yrs ago my brother started working w/some muslims... They sorta took him under their wing... He converted to the Islamic religion and is now a Muslim... I have to say - it's turned his life around... he's working on paying off his tickets to get a driver's license, he's been off drugs for atleast 5 yrs, he going to college part time and he's working in the carpentry/cabinetry (sp?) field.... He has 3 children of his own... 2 live w/him, one lives up here in NJ (that is another story of it's own) and his wife is expecting in May or June, plus he has a stepson he supports, claims as his own (goes w/the other long story of it's own)... I can't say for sure if they get state aid or not but they DO get WIC assistance and Medicaid/Medicare for the kids however for the most part he supports his family himself - there is pretty decent money to be made in carpentry, they live in a low cost of living area and the muslim community helps it's own, esp those that are really trying to support themselves...

SOOO to answer you question Mel - Muslims allow up to 4 wives.... atleast that is what Jason, or "Abdur Rochmon" as my brother is known, tells me... I don't fully understand the religion but I have great respect for what it has done for my brother and I am proud of him for turning his life around... We still call him Jason although his wife and others refer to him as Abdur Rochmon but he's ok w/that - whatever we are comfortable calling him - and I have apologized to him but explained he was Jason for 20 yrs and he will be Jason for the rest of his life... I do have to warn anyone who meets him though - look out!! The newly converted are often the most zealot and looking to convert everyone they can!!! *L*

SOOO that's probably WAY more info then you asked for Mel but I figured it was an interesting story to say the least.... Sooo any more questions anyone???

Ok this weekend is sucking big time.... It rained yesterday morning so no egg hunt, we slept thru the second one... I was just sooo sleepy all day and managed to get almost NOTHING done - I just don't have the energy to do anything - getting up is taking all I have... The boys have been really good though and I did manage to play PlayDoh w/them and we had a ball - of course now I have play doh all over my carpet and some of it is ground in... OH JOY!!!! The dishes are piling up again, I have a ton of laundry to fold and there is a tension in the house.... add to that some additional stress recently recieved in my life and I am a time bomb just ticking away.... I am gonna try to work off some stress today as soon as I get my butt in gear.... I have got alleviate some of the stress or it's gonna kill me...

On a side note I have learned that my brother took a second wife this week, complete w/a small child... ARRGGGGGGG I don't fully understand things but APPARENTLY under his religion he can have up to 4 wives - I can only imagine what his 1st wife was/is thinkign about this whole thing... Life should be interesting in that household that's for sure....

Well it's off to make coffee and see if I can get my ass moving and accomplish SOMETHING today while the boys are out riding bikes... Til next time...

Friday, April 11, 2003
It's pouring out!!! And there are no real plans for it to let up in the near future... There goes my chance of getting out in yard to start the prep for my flower beds, etc... *sigh* I really need to get out there and feel the dirt in on my hands and sun on my face.... and of course to have temps that go over 40 would be nice too...

Well the highlight of today is a lunch for my very first boss when I started here 14+ yrs ago... He's retiring - taking an early buy out actually... He was a wonderful boss and a great man... I will miss him dearly as I have gone to talk to him about things over the years... He will always have a special place in my heart and while I am saddened to say good bye today I know that I will see him again at our various organization parties, etc and the luncheon will be tons of fun!!!!

Ok it's off to find out exactly where my new desk will be next week... I'll keep ya updated... Til next time...

Thursday, April 10, 2003
Ok so I haven't made any progress on my list but I did get my computer almost completely up and full reloaded again... Just need to re-install a few little things like YAHOO, MSN, webcam and scanner but I will do that either tonight or tomorrow... I have Dilen's school pic that I wanna share w/you all!!! Things at the house are going ok... not as smooth as I would like but still peaceful... Now if I could just get my boys to bed!!!! Since the time change they have been up later then usual... and I noticed that Deven crashes for an hr or so every afternoon when he gets home from school.... we have got to get on a better schedule and quickly!! Well I better go get them down so I can finish installing my programs in peace.... Til next time...

Ok I think I am over my POOR ME - THE SKY IS FALLING period for now... Thanks to all my friends that have stood by me while I was moaning and groaning about life!!! {{HUGS}}

Work today was ok... I found out I will be working mostly likely for the man I used to work for a few years ago... WOOO HOOOO things couldn't be better!! I will find out for sure tomorrow morning and move my things on Monday... And I made the list for one of the promotions so now it's wait and see if they pick me.... I applied for another one too... Wish me luck I soo want to get out of the ended organization I am in...

Deven didn't get a note home today but yesterday he just didn't want to participate in things and was sorta in his own world... *sigh* I guess we need the meds to kick in a little more.... The IEP meeting is set for Monday at 9am...

E is back and on major probation w/me and he knows it... I am not making any promises but I am willing to give things another shot...

I am working taking things one step at a time w/my life and activities... I am making small lists and small goals and doing my best to stick w/them... My main focus at this moment is a nap! *L* Man I am tired! Then I am going to tackle the dishes and fold some laundry.... Small steps - small baby steps...

Well it's off to get that nap while the puter downloads some updates... Til next time...

Wednesday, April 9, 2003
Ok maybe I am paranoid but I really really feel like people are out to get me.. that they are unhappy w/my performance but instead of coming to discuss things w/me go over my head - Maybe I am getting burned out w/working midnights or maybe I am tired of the inconsistent crap of the shift leaders and I am probably just imagining things but I really feel like my co-worker(s) are trying to sabotage me and that sooner or later I am gonna be blindsided by things that maybe I did or didn't do and if I didn't do them it was due to lack of information - I try my best to keep my nose clean and not overstep things here but you never know... I know I am tired of all the extra work that we seem to have to acquired on my shift lately - work that we shouldn't have to be doing.... and then w/it all tempers are starting to run short because the frustration of the extra crap is starting to build after 18 months.. I don't know... I do know that I seriously need to put my work mind back on track and work on accomplishing the priorities...

Life at home is tiring... Deven didn't have the best of days yesterday - he refused to do almost any of his work, he was antagonizing to other children, shook his fist in anger and stuck his tongue out at the teacher when asked/told to sit down and he decided to use the chairs as nascars and drive/push them around the room... I just don't know what to do w/him... I know part of it is my fault because we had to skip 1/2 a daily dose on Saturday to ensure we had enough meds to get him thru til his refill was ready Monday afternoon... And part is because of all the crap at home but there just has to be more to it... I don't know what it is or what to do but starting today we ARE gonna get back on track and stick to the routine/charts!!!!

Again another place I really need to take stock and set my priorities... I find more and more I NEED lists and now a timer to keep me on track and focused... I did an ADD eval test and it shows I have Adult ADD - I am soo not surprised considering how distracted and absent-minded I can be... Something to talk to the doc about when I finally get around to making an appt for myself... I managed to get things worked out w/my dentist.. we are gonna start the 1st crown/bridge on the 26th... JOY OH JOY!!! There goes 250-300 right off the bat!! TG for payment plans!!!

Well I better get going - they have gotten me the list I need and I have to deciper it!!! Til next time...

Monday, April 7, 2003
Warning - read at your own risk - don't take it personally cause I am merely venting - lord knows I need a distraction these days!! I intend no harm but I really really just need to get this out...

An Open Letter to the Community -

Dear friends -

You jumped ship as fast as you could, you didn't even try to give change a chance - I almost wonder - do you turn your back on friends/family as quickly when things go odd?? Then you complain that no one answers things - well if there are no answers who do you have to blame?? YOURSELVES!! It's YOU who is not replying to questions/announcements, it's YOU who has moved on to another place... And for those that DO post but get no replies - did you stop to think maybe that no one has the answer you seek?? And that those that MIGHT have an answer are the same people that jumped ship w/you?? And how is that someone that was lurking w/no time to post suddenly has so much time at the "new" place?? That just cuts to the heart too! Then you stop any other means of communication with others that didn't jump ship w/the rest... Gee that's real adult huh?? Don't bother to say hello via IM or email just because that person isn't posting in a new location?? Ok maybe that's not how it is but that sure is how it seems.. I am just soo tired of the complaining and bickering - while I do understand that change is hard it's a part of life - accept it, deal w/it... If you want a family/community to be strong and healthy you have to ride out the bad now and again and jumping ship merely puts a rift in the structure of the family... to be honest I HATE the change as much as you all but damn it I am loyal and change IS a fact of life... those in charge at the old location SAY they are listening and gonna work on things - I am willing to give them a chance.... I am a sucker for 2nd, 3rd, 4th chances in case you hadn't noticed - if I wasn't my children wouldn't be here now - atleast not by the father they have... And I just don't see the HUGE slow down of loading/posting that others seem to see... could it be that you just are ticked about the change and are looking for ANYTHING to complain about?? *sigh* It's all just soo exasperating and I feel like I am taking the fire for something I had no control over anymore then anyone else in my community...

Ok I am done ranting... I just want everyone to get along and be friends... is that so hard??

Well I guess I said enough - again I am NOT trying to hurt anyone - I just needed to get MY hurt feelings out and this is all JMHO and remember - opinions are like assholes - we all have them!!! This is mine! And now that I am sure I have managed to upset or piss some of you off (and I am sorry for that!) Til next time...

Sunday, April 6, 2003
GRRRRRRRRR

The dog has been pulling out some of my sprouts from the flower box in the kitchen window and chewing them!! GRRRR I soooo forgot having a puppy is soooo much like having another 2 yo in the house! *L* Well I guess I better start some new flowers tomorrow.. and corn - she managed to eat half my corn! *L*

Well it's been a long 3.5 days... I did ok on my presentation for class or so the teacher/students said.. I was very very nervous, very unprepared and unorganized but I guess I did ok... I still have to organize everything and put it into a written report but I have a little time for that...

Dev had his shrink appt Friday and the doc sees a difference in focus on the new meds (Strattera) so we will continue w/20 mg - 10 in am and 10 at night for the next month... Working on the behaviour chart w/him and hopefully that will help some... they are starting a new JUST FOR DEV one at school and starting w/him staying in his seat as the first bad choice to change..

Dilen was very upset he couldn't go in w/Dev to talk to shrink - I managed to calm him down and then a few min later the doc opens door to talk to me and Dil is allowed in w/Dev and they get to go play again in wait room (small office overall). Doc asks if that's his next patient (Dilen).. I said ehh maybe not - I don't see the hyperness w/Dil... Doc says Oh it's there!! Then I comment that we still have about a yr and half before he's school age so I was gonna consider the evaluation process this time next yr for him (BEFORE school just in case there are some probs so that Dil doesn't have to go thru all that Dev is/had).. Doc says "Oh it's already started!" While it's not fun to hear your OTHER child might have some probs it was nice to hear that there just might be something as I do have some small concerns about Dilen but I was/am never sure if it's learned from Dev or not - then again some things Dil does he hasn't been around when Dev did them, ya know??? But anyway - the appt itself was a good one over all...

On the way OUT of the appt the boys were racing/fighting over who was gonna be line leader/first to car and of course an accident is bound to happen - of course it did... Dilen hit Deven in head w/his mouth - loosened a tooth and bruised the gum... *sigh* Took Dilen to dentist on Sat morning - it all looks ok, might be sore for a bit so no hard foods like apples, corn on cob, carmels, etc... and the tooth might turn colors from trauma to the nerve but we will wait and see.. the perm tooth is fine though - just need to keep an eye on things....

Saturday was a DISASTER after that... E dragged us out for lunch and walking around mall - ended up buying the kids each a toy - ARRRGGGGGGGGGGG!! I am sooo tired of the kids being given things after we tell them NO MORE!! And to make it worse tell them they have a $5 or $10 limit and get them each a $20 toy - then bitch about how much you spent!! No wonder they act like brats!!! And let's not talk about lunch that *I* ended up paying for that cost $30 and of course they all had ABOUT one plate of buffet!!! What a waste!!!

Then later that afternoon/evening it's time to lit into Angel again - it's all my fault about the debt, the boys, the broken cars, his drinking, etc... What started it this time?? I took my rings out of hock Thurs w/my OT $$ and didn't tell him then I left them on the sink when I took a shower and didn't put them back on... sooo I was being deceitful and spitting in his face - HUH??? Then we are gonna continue to berate me about EVERYTHING that's wrong - I am surprised that I wasn't blamed for 9/11 and the war at this point - then every now and again he stops - tells me he loves me and would do anything for me and wants a hug - only to turn again and continue his "lecture" telling me that I am GONNA do things this way or that per HIS orders - yeah RIGHT - the man is soo warped about some things, ok most and I am gonna listen to HIM??? FINALLY I had enough almost 1.5 hrs later and snapped... I kicked him out... I will NOT be verbally abused and blamed for it all anymore!! SOOO I had to rush to get the other girl to cover me last night... We all finally went to bed at 10. I slept for about 14-15 hrs before finally becoming conscience enough to get up and dressed and moving at 1pm today... And I still feel drained.. I am not sure if Deven even slept or slept long last night - I think he got up and played quietly w/his cars in his room... *sigh* I feel so bad for the boys but they deserve better then all this... so do I... And I made sure Deven understood that you don't talk to or treat people the way that I was being treated... that while Daddy and I aren't together we still love him...

Any how - I need to find someone to cover the boys tonight and tomorrow... I really really need that promotion to go on days I think... I will miss my night job but I don't think I can do it much longer...

OH and I picked up the car today!! WOOO HOOOO It's running - pretty well actually - still has some issues w/the waterpump but I can live w/losing a few ounces of water daily... I DO need to get muffler fixed and the windshield replaced but it's running enough to do the approx 8 miles daily I need it for... I gave the guy that runs the self help shop that did alot of the work for me $20 - I wish I had more as he deserves it but I just don't have it... I will probably slip him a $20 here and there for a few months just cause he did do so much of the hardest work for me...

Well I need to get moving - gotta clean the car out - my god I have tons of trash and crap in it!! *L* And lord forbid they go to searching cars! *L* Thanks for listening to me bitch... Til next time...

Thursday, April 3, 2003
HOWDY!!! UGH I have about 2 hrs to throw together a 15 min oral presentation regarding Human Geography of North and South Korea... I was gonna work on it at work but the last 2 nights were a tad busy and once again I overslept by an HOUR and was late for work.... TG they are understanding about this occurrence... I must be starting to really burn out cause I am averaging once every 3 months or so of having an oversleep.. I didn't even hear the phone this time when they called the first time at 12:30... I did hear them when they called at 1 though... *sigh*

Wednesday, April 2, 2003
ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRG

And so it's begun!! E is his usual a-hole attitude self this afternoon.. babbling on about Deven and asking overly protective but in a drunk sort of way... Then let's just keep learing at me like I did something wrong and having a shitty tone - acting like a drill instructor again and demanding unpractical accomplishments.... Plus he's throwing around the "How are you getting to work?" crap again...

Deven got sent home from school yesterday for kicking the teacher.. and he kicked her HARD!! She was so upset that when I went to get him at 10:50 she couldn't even come talk to me and tell me what happened... *sigh* Had an appt w/the psych(ologist) in the afternoon... He feels it's partially frustration from the ADHD and fine motor skills deficiencies - throw in a little being tired... We have an IEP meeting on 14th in am to discuss getting Deven his own aide to help him and teacher out in classroom... Doc thinks we are on the right track w/that and we need to wait out the meds fully kicking in.... He also approved of my behavior/reward chart for Deven and reminded me we need to continue to be more consistent... Also have to make being sent home NOT FUN.. well that's not a problem.. Deven will NOT watch movies on DVD, any cable tv or play the playstation or computer for atleast the week...

Of course there is the inconsistency of E... I have NO problem getting Deven up and dressed and on bus when I am not on nights... I don't know WHAT E does that he has such resistence from Dev - other then acting militant and overbearing with all of us.. No wonder Dev is soo angry... He is NOT stupid - he can see the attitude/verbal changes in E when's drinking and Deven can see - hell we all can - that E is drinking even when he "TRIES" to keep it low key and hide the cans/bottles coming in... YESTERDAY I said Deven would have no privledges and that I didn't approve of the school teaching Dev how to get out of class and come home... IDIOT claims I said Dev would not go to school today so he wasn't anywhere NEAR ready at 8:45 so Dev stayed home as I am too tired to argue w/E.... Now's he's babbling on that it's my fault that Deven acts the way he does cause I don't let E whoop him... YEAH RIGHT!! The guy has NO CLUE of his strength - I have seen that w/me in the past and his "I didn't hit/push/touch you that hard" beliefs... And his reasoning/logic is 10 times worse now - he will NOT lay a hand on my children ever!!! So after he blames me it's the school's fault cause "NO ONE TOUCHES MY BOY" and why was teacher close enough to get kicked - umm she's his teacher - she is gonna be close to him to teach him and touching is a part of life.. and if Dev starts to rage they are gonna restrain him for his and their protection IDIOT!!!!!

Well I better go see what's going on cause I HAVE to get over to shop and work on the car - he's made it impossible to get there for 3 1/2 days now... it's a DIY shop and I gotta go work on it MYSELF!!!! That was whole point of not having money to send it to a real shop.... *sigh* I think I have managed to pour out my heart enough for now and my brain is getting jumbled up so, Til next time...

Ok I am back... I had a few glitches in Crimson that just really really were aggrevating me soooo I am gonna dual blog.... That way when thing disappear at crimson they will still be here..

*sigh* Alright I QUIT, GIVE UP, face defeat - from now on my OFFICIAL blog addy will be My Blog I thought that CRIMSON would be a bit more responsive w/my request to delete my screw up but they still haven't so for now I am gonna just stick w/the newer new one I created.... I DO state here and now I officially declare my right to change my mind!! See you in the new location.....

BLOG CLOSED - GONE - OUT OF BUSINESS - MOVED TO NEW LOCATION - THANKS FOR YOUR PATRONAGE

Well Blogger really, really stifled my fingers when I most needed to blog so I have moved.... You can now find me at http://tagteam.crimsonblog.com/ Is my temporary site - in a few days it will be http://devndilsmom.crimsonblog.com Still working on getting comments to work but it will come eventually! LATER!!!!!

UGH!!!! Busier then a one legged man in an ass kickin' contest!!!! Things are going fairly well at home, E has been ok... of course his vow of sobriety has lasted a whole whopping day... ok it was probably only hours... *sigh* But he's still been on his best behavior for the MOST part.. I am NOT impressed with how he handles Deven - E has never been in military and never will be!! Ok so we live on a base and work for the Army but that does not allow for drill instructor attitude!!!!


Deven has been fairly well behaved this weekend although he stayed up too late on Sunday and missed school due to "tummy ache" on Monday... he has been informed this will NOT repeat today!!!


Well it's back to the grindstone to finish up the things I need to do here in office... I'll update more later... Til next time...